i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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