clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
