I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
