Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
