At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
