cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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