can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
