I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
