there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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