look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
