Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
