i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
