Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
