he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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