It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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