In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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