if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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