My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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