You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
