god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
