I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
