Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
