At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The air taste purple.
Randomize
