Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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