Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
