so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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