well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
