So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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