she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
