the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
