I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
