Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
