Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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