I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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