i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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