i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
