All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think my vagina is haunted
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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