where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
