I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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