so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
