I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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