Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
