I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
