You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
