Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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