I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
