It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
