Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
