If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
