I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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