So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
